Breathing life


Breathing life

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I Can’t Find Oz


I’m just an average girl living in my own little Oz, but here lately I’ve felt more like Alice.

You know……in Wonderland.

I’ve dreamed I’ve fallen down some freakin’ rabbit hole where things are not as they seem.  I see a door that’s beakoning me forward, but the closer I get, the smaller the door gets.

Is it an illusion?  A hoax of my imagination?

It appears to be real and tangible, but then fading in and out is this chesshire cat, smirking and laughing at me.  Silently saying, “You can keep running towards the door, but it’s not for you.  You won’t get through it.”

Then the damn cat disappears, outa sight, but never to far away or outa mind.

Replacing the cat is a crazy white rabbit that keeps checking it’s watch and saying to me, “You’re late, you’re late, for a very important date.”  and I keep saying, “I know, but I’m trying to get to the tea party!!”

I’m following the rabbit trying to get to the door and the whole time looking behind me and beside me for that ever lurking cat.  Knowing it’s around even though I can’t see it.

I know there’s a tea party somewhere just ahead and there’s a queen getting ready to take off my head.  So I keep trudging along with the crazy white rabbit beside me reminding me, “Your late, your late!”  I assure him I know and tell him, “Just let me make the tea party.”

I’m running towards the door, all the while wondering if it will take me back to Oz; back to my wizard, where there are no rabbits or sneaky lurking cats and the tea party is over.  Where things are better than they seem.  In a place where all I have to worry about are ruby red slippers and flying monkeys.  Where I don’t have to worry about signs of a sneaky cat or a disappearing rabbit.

I wake from my dream and look around.  It appears to be Oz; but it’s not as it seems…………..

There’s a sneaky cat lurking around and I can’t find my wizard.

Sometimes dreams make it easier to write about the things that are truly bother us.

Random Useless Information


Sometimes when I have a lot on my mind and I don’t want to write about what I’m thinking about, I pull out one of my poem exercise books.  There are exercises in it that joggle (is that a real word?) my brain and redirect my thoughts. 

Today is one of those days.

I like one exercise that requires you choosing a household object and write down a list of words that describe that object.  Then put those words into poetic form without saying what the object is, but at the end the reader will know.  It’s really quite fun.

Here is one (sorry, my mind was a little in the gutter……oh, well, I thought it was funny!!  Sorry if you don’t see the humor in it.)(shoulder shrug)

In you fixture’s

where I belong,

screw my tight

burn me long.

Desired in the dark

smooth and hot,

turn me on

then turn me off.

Fill your room

fluorescent bright,

artificial glow

warms your night.

Wasn’t that clever??  I thought it was…….

There are many types of writing exercises that I like to challenge myself with.

Lists using alliteration; alliteration is when you repeat the sound at the beginning of the words ~

wicked writing witch

steals silver shooting stars

rains ruby red raindrops

This can be fun and can have as few as two words per sentence or as many words as you choose to use.  I don’t do this often.  But maybe I should.

One of my favorites and used quite often is “rhyming using couplets”.  This is rhyming in lines grouped as two.  It works best if you have the same number of syllables in each line, but sometimes I break the rules (I’ve been none as a rule-breaker, image that).

“Barbie”

She’s a blonde bombshell

Looking like living hell

Deep lined wrinkled eyes

Butt dimples large pies.

Frizzy dull blonde hair

Streaky gray shines there

Eyes sparkle she’s insane

Vanity made a crazy dame

If “Barbie” ever aged (like the rest of us) this would be her.  🙂

Another of my favorite type of poem writing is “storytelling” (to me, no matter the style, they all tell a story) with a beginning and an end.  I recently posted a poem called “Shoes”.  It tells my story about shoe shopping; and yes I love shoes! 

I think my least favorite writing exercise is “Haikus”.  Only 3 lines; first line has 5 syllables, 2nd line has 7 syllables and the 3rd line has 5 syllables.  “Haikus” are usually about ordinary things in nature; but again, I break the rules and write about whatever and don’t usually get the syllables correct.

This pisses me off……….so I don’t practice this exercise often.

Worm spins silver threads

wrap tight it’s snug cocoon

soon the spreading wings

I don’t do this very well and I want satisfaction from my writing, so most of the time I wad it up and trash it.

Today I have scattered thoughts and just needed to write; just to make my brain waves function and redirect.  Nothing witty or clever; just some random, useless, poem writing information.

Maybe it will help someone else out of a slump…….

 

Smokin’ Hot Candles


The BBE’s (Best Bitches Ever) were out last night celebrating with this girl from Oz.  The margaritas flowed, chips and salsa were all around and the laughter was crazy.

It had been June since we all had been together and I had missed our togetherness.  Wherever we go, we always request a table in the back.  One away from small children and older patrons; we tend to get a little rowdy………….maybe a little loud.

We cause a stir with our hurricane force winds (we have a lot of hot air) and there is usually a lot of head turning.  The later it gets, the louder we get……….late being 8:30 p.m.

Oh, my!!!!  What are we thinking stay out so late on a work night!!!!

There was no sombrero, table dancing (I’ll leave that to my gal pal Kelly), after all I’m a mature women, but there was some chiding from the table next to us, trying to egg me on. 🙂

As it always is when we get together, there’s alot of secrets told, sometimes there’s tears, sometimes our fears are shared.  There’s a little cussing and lota men bashing.

You can’t do one, without the other…….

These women are my sounding boards, my support service, my therapists, my advisors; they’re the ones not afraid to pop me upside my head and say, “What the hell are you thinking?”

Sometimes I need that…..

I appreciate their honesty and their ability to give advice out of love and respect without judging me.  These women mean more to me than they will ever know and I’m so glad they wanted to celebrate with me.

We differ in age, shape, size and personality, but our chemistry compliments one another.

When we get together it’s not your typical celebration……..but why would I want to celebrate in typical birthday style when I have the company of 5 of the hottest, smokin’ candles on any cake.

Not much can top that……………except maybe flowers from one handsome wizard 🙂

Thank you ladies, for a great night!!

“Happy Birthday”


“Happy Birthday”

You can run, but you can’t hide,

a birthday will find you everytime.

Crawl under your bed

or drunk outa your head,

the candles still burn

no matter where you turn.

All year long it chases you

the day appears from outa the blue.

No silly song or ballons to make,

just one more candle on my cake.

Happy Birthday, no day to fear,

Happy Birthday, one more year.

 

 

Time to Celebrate !!!


Time to drink champagne and dance on the table! #party #quote

What is trust??


Trust; what does it really mean?

Webster says:

noun ~ 1.  reliance on the integrity, strenth, ability, surety of a person or thing   2. confident expectations of something; hope  3. confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods recieved

Ok, I’m not real concerned about number 3, but would like to reflect on the other two.

I define trust as ~ relying and believing the actions and the words of someone.  The ability to have the confidence to believe without question or concern, someones integrity and honesty.

That’s pretty basic stuff; not hard to understand or comprehend, right?  Seems pretty straight forward to me.

But this is also where I get confused………how can someone take another persons trust for granted?  One day the trust is there, the next day the trust is shattered by an action or words, or the lack of an action or words.  The signs are all there, but you turn your head and choose to ignore them ~ trusting.  You choose to have faith and hope to believe, that the honesty and integrity of the person will return.  Hoping silently, that you’re wrong ~ trusting.

But once the trust has been shattered, how do you get it back?  How do you believe without question or concern once the trust has been broken?

I’m a very trusting person; gullible if you will.  I find, at times it’s a weakness I have.  I want to trust, even when the honesty and integrity of a person leaves me sad and confused.  Even when my gut tells me to question, I turn the other way; I want to trust without doubts.

I think it is our good human nature to want to trust and be trusted by the people that surround us.  It’s the misplacement of honesty in actions and words that shatters the fragile ability to trust, making it hard to recover without question.

Trust is a quiet emotion that’s earned, built upon and shared for a lifetime………..

Especially in those you love………..

Serious intervention


Anyone who knows me, knows I have a serious shoe fetish.  Numbering in the hundreds.  I also love clothes and find it hard to part with either one.  A serious love affair.

I live in an older model home, built when you didn’t have walk-in closets.  So when my kids were growing up they had to share their closets with me, because there just wasn’t enough closet space.

When my daughter moved out and I got over the initial shock of her not being there, I took over her bedroom, and made a dressing room/closet out of it.  I bought racks to line two of the walls and acquired a few tall bookcases (from work) for my shoes.

Not really putting a lot of thought into it, I began empting the closets through out my house, just wanting everything in one place.  I didn’t sort through the clothes, I just hung them up.  I didn’t sort through the shoes, I just put them in the shelves.  When the clothes racks were full, I began to drape the clothes over the top of the racks, the dresser and the chair.  When the book shelves became full with my shoes, I just put them around on the floor.  There was one shelf in the middle of the room, there wasn’t quite enough space for it along the wall without me moving things around; I didn’t want to deal with that at that moment.

It stayed in this chaotic state for a long time……….entirely to long.  But I had everything in one place.

I wake up one morning to find clothes scattered all over the floor, one of the racks had fallen over.  Not having time to deal with it, I walk over the clothes and pluck something from the other still standing rack.  Vowing I would deal with this mess when I got home.

Guess what?????  I didn’t deal with it.

And as I wore things from the rack on the floor; when I returned it; I just laid it on top of the other clothes……..on the rack on the floor.

WHAT????  That’s right.  I am ashamed to say, I did this for a very, very, very long time.

One day, about 8 or 9 months later, I came home to find the other rack lying in the middle of the floor, with the remainder of my clothes in a jacked-up heap.  At that very moment a wave of anxiety hit me like an Oklahoma twister.  I couldn’t deal with it any longer.  The time had come for some serious intervention,  admit I had a problem and meet it head on.

That night, being a Friday, I stripped down to my unmentionables and began the grueling process of trying on every stitch of clothes I owned and deciding what to keep and what to donate.

I had reached my limit, if it was to tight; there was no saving for “if’s” and “when’s”, it went to the donate pile.  If it didn’t look, feel or act right; it went to the donate pile.

At 2:30 a.m. I decided I had done enough damage for the night and would pick it back up in the morning.  I spent an entire weekend in my unmentionables sorting, strutting and scrapping clothes and shoes, rearranging racks and making room for shelves.  By weekends end I had 12 large, lawn trash bags stuffed full for donating.

I stood in my unmentionables, in the middle of a once chaotic war zone, with hands on my hips and a smile on my face………I was a conqueror.  A successful intervention.

Every pair of shoes on a shelf, every stitch of clothing hung up or folded nicely in a drawer.  I look forward to getting dressed everyday; no more stress, no more anxiety.  Everything visible and plenty of room to move around.

Ahhhhh, what a sigh of relief.

Now, if I can just do something about ALL those unmentionables………..LOL 

“Witch please…….”


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Rainy Day Reflections


The rain falls steady outside today.  It is desperately needed here.

Why does rain put you in such a melancholy state of mind?  Is it the tinkling sound of the raindrops on the rooftop or the puddling of water in the grass?  Perhaps it’s the gray skies that’s outside of every window, as I open blinds to let the world in.

At any rate, as I drink my coffee I reflect over events of the past year or so.  Some of them will make good writings; such as one Memorial Day weekend at the Kemah Boardwalk, I got talked into riding a roller coaster called “The Bullet” (oh….my!) or the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo where I was coaxed into riding one of those free fall rides (I’m afraid of heights!!).  Crazy fun times with a crazy, special person; with many more crazy, special times to come :-).

But the prompting of these reflective thoughts are the events in my daughters life.  Tomorrow is Heather and Paul’s one year wedding anniversary.  In this year, she planned a wedding, got married, moved from her home of ten years to a new town, relocated her office job with people to working at home alone, adjusting to a new husband and challenges trying to tame Cujo Cat.  If that weren’t enough, she managed through a pregnancy without me and gave birth to a beautiful little diamond.  Talk about a year of changes; she’s had quite a few and has come through beautifully.  Happy Anniversary, my dear sweet daughter.  May you and your love have many more!!

My thoughts don’t stop there; smiling I recall the weekend I moved my son and his precious girlfriend Jessie.  His willingness to become my accomplice in a weekend of “dumpster diving” makes me proud.  I raised a thoughtful, thrifty young man; a job well done if I do say so myself (pat myself on the back).

How odd it is, that though my nest is empty; many of my life events still revolve around my children and for that I am thankful.  But I am also thankful for making some of my own life events.  One of my biggest events this year was publishing my book.  I was so proud of myself………..until I got my copy and read it!!!!

Oh…….my…….bajeezies!!!!!!  What was I thinking???  Some of my most personal and inner bedded feelings were printed for everyone to read.

What will people think of me?

Mom, my number one cheerleader responds to my fright with this remark, “You are who you are and I am proud of you.” 

What more could be said??

I’ll publish another one………….I’m sure.

Starting this blog has been incredible for my over flowing fountain of words.  When I started, it was just for me to have a place to actually put my thoughts (other than just in a spiral notebook), not thinking people would really read it.

WOW!!!! Have I been delightfully surprised!!!  Receiving boosts of encouragement daily with each “like” and comment.

It keeps me writing……….I wonder if the words will ever stop flowing……….

As I finish my coffee, I watch the rain slid slowly down the window pane and wonder what this next year has in store for me.  Some things from the previous year I choose not to carry forward; I choose to leave them where they are.  But there are other events I will carry forward with me and continue to build on them.

I think they call this “building a future”……….and I’m already planning ahead 🙂

“I’m off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz !!”

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