Where do they come from?

You know; the ones that live in your dryers and eat the socks, and the ones that sneak in the washing machine and wreck havoc.

Are they like bed bugs? You know they’re there, you just don’t see them?

How do they do they’re damage so quietly?

The intricate weaves they twist without a loom out of a bra strap, a tank top strap and some string bikinis is artistry at it’s finest.

So tightly woven it makes 800 count Egyptian count sheets look like mesh.

And the drawstring that doesn’t draw up on those workout shorts; how do they manage to pull it all the way out and knot it with all the other unmentionables in so many detailed knots it would put an Eagle Scout to shame.

Do they do their dirty work in the wash cycle; popping the clasps in the front and unhooking the hooks on the back, with the skill a 17 year old boy wish he had.

Preparing them for the intricate dance of water ballet; entwining through arm holes, and grabbing lace with hooks as they waltz by, then diving back through the tiny elastic waistband of a pair of unknowing unmentionables. All the while twisting and turning the drawstring in tiny little knots, like an Olympic Ribbon Gymnast.

I believe they conclude their performance in the spin cycle where they quietly escape.

I never see them scurrying as I pull out the wad of unmentionables the size of a basketball. So tight you could dribble it full court and then slam dunk it!

So where do they come from and how do they do it?

If you have a clue, please share; I’d like to cut them off at the pass.

I’m not very fond of unmentionable weaving………..

Listen…………………..(looking around, kinda paranoid)

I swear I hear them laughing…………


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