“9 o’clock”


Oh my Lord!
Look at the time!
Hurry, hurry!
I’ll lose my mind!
Where’s my patch?
Find it quick!
If I’m without it;
I’m quite a bitch!
Oh good Lord!
Where’s the box?
Without that thing,
I’m a box of rocks!
I’m looking here,
I’m looking there;
Oh! Good Lord!
They’re not anywhere!
Where the hell!
did they go?
Oh my Lord!
They’re at the store!
It’s not easy;
it’s quite the feat,
keepin’ my crazy
off the street.
Keep my cool;
don’t get all stressed!
Hurry your ass
and just get dressed.
Heaven help me!
I’m going in shock!
The pharmacy won’t open ~
’til 9 o’clock!!

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I’m Lost, Wandering in some Foreign Land……….


Transition; where do I start…………………………..

I’ve missed writing………………..

Whoop! Whoop!  Raise the roof!  ~  I have a job!!  But it’s been a long time since I started over…………………

Low man on the totem pole and one of the oldest people there (Ouch!); working with young, ambitious prosecutors trying to take a bite outa crime, is interesting and fast paced……………………to say the least.

Very different from the world from which I came,  where I had an office with a view and when there was a meeting you shut the door.  My new office is a cubicle in a big open space where people yell to one another across the room, call people out in the open and have no verbal filters.  I spend my days filing criminal cases of cute guys and girls that smile and pose in their mug shots like it’s their high school yearbook photo; all the while I’m thinking, “What the hell is wrong with you people?”  It’s a different world; the things I hear and read on sex and crime, just like a “Dateline, 48 Hours” TV show………………………..it’s real.

I ask the young people working with me, “Does it ever slow down?”

In unison, “No.”

And then my court partner says, “Consider it job security.”

Bug-eyed, I reply, “That’s one way to look at it.”

TRANSITION!!!!

Then there’s RV living.  Thankfully my parents bought a nice, large, comfy travel trailer with 3 large slide outs; couch, recliners, seperate bedroom with queen size bed, 2 TV’s and nice kitchen……………………….

as big as it is; it’s still small.

Quart size fridge, 3 burner stove with an oven that’s never been used, a toaster oven that has so much shit on top of it, it’s to much trouble to remove the stuff to use it; so I just use the microwave.

My mother is somewhat of a pack-rat, every cabinet, drawer, nook and cranny has something in it……………………………

then I moved in!!!

Let me just say, it cramps my wardrobe style.

I have had to do some serious rearranging to make some room for “working” Jeri.  I managed to clean out some space in the top of the closet to put a couple of small cloth “bins” for my unmentionables, two small drawers (outa 6) for shorts, tees and p.j.’s, a cabinet with one shelf for medications, perfume, nail polish and other personal toiletries and 2 small shelves in another cabinet for my stackable jewelry trays.  I have “over-the-door” hooks on every door I can put one on and after removing all the empty hangers , I made room to hang “some” of my clothes in the closet.

Where are my shoes??   I know you’re dying to know…………………….

I brought 30 boxed pairs and I made a spot in the living room, along the wall, beside the couch; to stack them outa the way.

It’s a tight, cozy fit for me and my little cat.  Oh, what will I do when family comes to visit???

TRANSITION!!!!!

There’s no forgetting I have another home………………………

I went home this past weekend to check on things and collect a months worth of mail my family had been putting inside my house.  The weeds and insects were taking over the outside of my house, so I spent the most part of the day outside cleaning, fighting a nest of yellow jackets not yet mature enough to know to attach the dumb blonde hacking away at their little haven and running like hell from red wasp after pulling a trailing vine out from under an eve housing a nest and if that weren’t enough I discovered a spider the size of a small universal planet suspended by countless nylon ropes; where I had been pulling, hacking and dragging dead tree limbs.  Scared me so bad I ’bout pee’d my pants.

The thing was HUGE!!

I decided I was done for the day.

There was also the problem of nothing in the house to eat.  Dirty and tired, I wasn’t going out.  I scrounged up a can of soup and a bottle of Michelob Ultra.

What more did I need??  I was done for the night.

I never thought I’d not sleep well in my own bed, but that huge ass spider had me freaked out; I tossed and turned all night.  I finally got up at 5:00 a.m. , made coffee and searched for something to eat (again).  I found a loaf of bread in the freezer………………….

I’ll have toast…………………..smeared on a little peanut butter and took a big hearty bite……………………………

OMG!!!  It tasted like raw, stinky fish!!!

In the trash it went………………..the coffee tasted really good.

I wandered back to the room I call my “closet”; there were all my clothes, shoes and jewelry staring at me saying, “Where the hell have you been?  Why’d you leave us behind?”

I spot a pair of shoes and rush over to them; pick them up and ask myself……………….(out loud), “How did I leave these?  I love these shoes.  I’m taking these back with me.”

I shoulda never walked back there.  Before I knew it, I had a huge pile of just a “few things”.  Standing there looking at the pile I asked myself, “Where the hell you gonna put this stuff?  You bearly have room for what you’ve got there already.”  So I put most of it back, but did bring a few things I said I absolutely needed……………………..

6 pairs of shoes, 6 dresses and 2 pairs of jeans (we have “dress down” Friday at the DA’s office).  I boxed up a few more toiletries from my stock pile, washed the few dishes in the sink and made the bed.  I loaded the car in preparation to make the return trip.  On the way outa town I stopped at Mom’s for a visit and to watch the second half of the Texans game.

She fed me.

As I write/type this, I’m back at my RV “home” and started a new work week.  But I feel a little discombaubulated.  My “home” feels a little foreign to me, and here; as great as it is; doesn’t feel like home.  It’s like being Alice and Dorothy all rolled up into one…………………………..wandering in a land were things are not as they seem, while searching for the way things use to be (that kinda shounds like the makings of a country song!).  I can’t find my “roll”, my “flow”, my “way”; I’m on the outside looking in and it all feels very foreign to me.

Why is transition so hard for some people and a walk in the park for others?

I really am trying to look at this as an adventure, but I’ve never been the adventurous type…………………………..

I’m learning…………………..but it’s awfully slow.

Exercise in “Focus~ism”


There are times of late that I MIGHT have found myself in a down and out, poor ‘ole me, piss por, boo-hoo, oh..my..gawd!, egg scramblin’ attitude; over my umpteen hundred job rejections.

I..said…MIGHT…have found me!

One might say, I need a little adjustment to my attitude.

Boo….Hoo.

I say, I just need a little random exercise on “focus~ism” (Jeri’s word)

Say what????

As writers, especially poets; which I claim to be, if you can’t find a word that works for what you need, you make one up.

Am I right???

Come on, you know you’ve all done it. I do it all the time.

As you all know; if you’ve been following me, I’m an uneducated writer, dumb-as-dirt, don’t know a thang, kind of writer.

But…. there’s logic behind my words………..most of the times.

For instance; what is the definition of “tour~ism”????

Anybody???

I’ll tell you……………..

“the act or practice of touring”

So if that is the definition of “tour~ism”, can you guess what the definition of “focus~ism” is??????

Come on, come on, come on!!!!

Never mind, I’ll just tell you…………………

“the act or practice of focusing”

Taa-Daa!! Genius right? (please hold you applause until the end of the presentation)

Now that we are finished with vocabulary, let me get back on track…………..

So when I need a little focus~ism, I open my poetry writing, exercise book; the one I’ve been working out of for the last year. Remember; I’m an uneducated writer, dumb-as-dirt when it comes to the formal, educated way of writing poetry. Hell, any kinda writing for that matter.

So I just write.

It’s cheaper than therapy, which I can’t afford and it keeps me outa the looney bin. I already live in my own little Oz and if I go to much further in the deep end of the pool they’re gonna cart me off to Rusk ina straight jacket!!

By the way, (here we go again) the aforementioned is a town in Texas where the state mental health facility is located. I was well into my adult years before I learned that “Rusk” was an actual place and not a state of mind (oh….my….gawd!)

Need I say more about the deep end of the pool…………..

Anyway, after yesterday’s “scrambled eggs”, I needed a little focus~ism.

A little focus~ism on something other than my freakin’ dilemma.

Looking back in my workbook, it had been 6 weeks since I had worked in it. Long over due. No wonder I had no focus~ism, I had been neglecting my therapy!

I was due for a session, so I scheduled an appointment first thing this morning with my therapist.

Which………………is my writing book on the kitchen counter (let’s get that clear).

Sometimes my little writing sessions are not successful; the writing exercises are complicated and being ditzy like I am, I don’t understand them.

But…………………..I push forward, even the worst attempts are better than no attempts, right!!

Todays counter session was called “Rhapsodizing Repetition”……………….

“repetition of meaning in a single line, separated by a punctuation”

Translation please……….”the meaning in the first phrase is repeated in the second phrase”

WTH????

My dumb-as-dirt brain could not comprehend this. I guess it had been scrambled to death yesterday!

I read it……..and I read it……..and I read it…………

Got another cup of coffee and told myself, “Self, you will not let this kick yo ass!!”

So…….I read it and read it again………….

BLINK, BLINK, BLINK went the neon sign!!

Hot diggity dog; oh, yeah; you got this! (dancing like Sha-na-na)

I must admit, it was a little challenging, but isn’t that what exercise is all about? Ok, so I didn’t hit all the phrases right on the head; big deal. I think it’s a damn good attempt.

I count todays counter session a success on working on my “focus~ism” Peace out!! 🙂

“Morning Rhapsody”

She listens quietly, contemplating the sounds;
the whirling of the fan, spinning plastic blades,
air conditions forceful air, coolness spewed in space.

Minus of the birds song, larks chirping can’t be found;
percales silent rustle, a muteness of her sheets,
eyes blinking in the dark, blind lash and lid meet.

There’s thunder in the matter, roaring brain pounds;
hear conversations ethereal, ringing air in her ears,
silent fading darkness, nights quiet disappears.

Slowly daylight dances, beams frolic in the dust;
rhythmic shadow dancers, marionettes in space,
pirouettes fill the room, spinning round the place.

Darting lazy drifters, exploding morning crust;
ride the stale cool air, blown helpless by the fan,
persona participation, she lends a helping hand.

Creeping night time stealers, sneak the dark from us;
sunlight washes windows, morning drenched panes,
kiss the night stealers, darkness greets the day.

Scrambled Eggs


When you’re unemployed and a voice on the other end of the phone tells you your benefits have run out; the ‘ole gray matter begins to spin.

In all directions.

As if beaten with a fork.

Like scrambled eggs.

So scrambled, I can’t piece together a single, complete, intelligent thought.

Should I change my resume, again……Did I feed the cat……Maybe I should try a different industry……..Don’t forget to clean the fridge……….What about you certifications……….Call the insurance company, increase your deductible………..Schedule your CPR……….Cancel the cable.

Nothing makes sense.

My writing doesn’t even make sense; going off in different directions.

Scrambled all around.

I have so many versions of my resume, I don’t know which one was the actual original.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned in any of my posts that I’m a certified Group X and Mat Pilates instructor.

For almost 10 years now.

I obtained my first certification on my 40th birthday and I did it for myself. Not to make money, but to keep me committed to good health and to help other people. I love it.

When I lost my real job, I gave up my classes as well.

It was a hard decision for me. I let my certifications lapse.

I felt dejected.

I’ve spent many hours thinking of ways not to depend on the world, but to utilize what I know and love and to learn to depend on ME.

I used to be a CPR instructor; training provided at the expense of my previous employer, but when my position changed I didn’t recertify. It’s been 7 or 8 years ago.

I throw these thoughts into the mix………………..

the start up is a small investment with training and equipment………..the training is out of town (additional expense)…………..it’s been a long time…………what if I don’t get it…………..what if no one comes?

(whip it with a fork)

Writing is an obvious passion, with a number of projects I work on more often. I can’t focus on just one. I did manage to finish one project I started about 5 years ago about healthy living. I self-published it July 4th and it went on sale July 17th, .

So I throw these thoughts in the mix as well……………..

the Pilates home series for beginner, intermediate and advance practices…………….the series about not so fictional adventures of not so fictional 6 female friends………….short stories from my blog…………….a second poetry collection.

(whip, whip, whip…….beat the hell outa the side of the bowl)

I know fitness and I love being an instructor. A few months ago I set a goal to get recertified. I completed and passed both re-certifications this month.

So, in go these thoughts……………………..

I got ’em; now what do I do with ’em?……………….do I go crawling back to my old gym?…………….rent my own studio………………just hold classes in the park, under the trees, where there’s no expenses……………but what if it rains?…………If I had my own place I could teach CPR, but I could do that at my old gym

(WHIP, WHIP, WHIP; it’s sloshing over the sides)

As badly as I would like to remove from the mix; there’s still the endless applications and profiles I submit daily.

(throw down the fork; there’s nothing left but foam)

I beat these thoughts around and try to figure out how I can make them work for ME.

Many bloggers I follow write about doing what you love; following a dream. One of my first posts, almost a year ago, was about my dream of having a condo at the beach. I’ve put the dream to rest for a while. The money I had saved for that dream I’m now living off of.

Gone but not forgotten.

Now, how did I get on that subject????

I went from scrambled thoughts (whip, whip, whip), to depending on myself (WHIP, WHIP, WHIP), to endless applications (throw down my fork), to a dream put to rest (???).

Whipped to hell; nothing more than frothy foam. Nothing making sense.

Beaten and scrambled like a dozen eggs.

I thought serving up this scrambled mess on a plate would help……………………..

Hmmmm…….maybe I’ll just make some toast…….

I could mow lawns…………..weed eat sidewalks………..but I don’t have a lawn mower, or a weed eater

and she quietly…….slips………..away………..

Life’s Hard Knock(er)s


Why pay extra? Anything for a savings, right? Happy hump day y’all!!

20140709-072244.jpg

Gremlins


Where do they come from?

You know; the ones that live in your dryers and eat the socks, and the ones that sneak in the washing machine and wreck havoc.

Are they like bed bugs? You know they’re there, you just don’t see them?

How do they do they’re damage so quietly?

The intricate weaves they twist without a loom out of a bra strap, a tank top strap and some string bikinis is artistry at it’s finest.

So tightly woven it makes 800 count Egyptian count sheets look like mesh.

And the drawstring that doesn’t draw up on those workout shorts; how do they manage to pull it all the way out and knot it with all the other unmentionables in so many detailed knots it would put an Eagle Scout to shame.

Do they do their dirty work in the wash cycle; popping the clasps in the front and unhooking the hooks on the back, with the skill a 17 year old boy wish he had.

Preparing them for the intricate dance of water ballet; entwining through arm holes, and grabbing lace with hooks as they waltz by, then diving back through the tiny elastic waistband of a pair of unknowing unmentionables. All the while twisting and turning the drawstring in tiny little knots, like an Olympic Ribbon Gymnast.

I believe they conclude their performance in the spin cycle where they quietly escape.

I never see them scurrying as I pull out the wad of unmentionables the size of a basketball. So tight you could dribble it full court and then slam dunk it!

So where do they come from and how do they do it?

If you have a clue, please share; I’d like to cut them off at the pass.

I’m not very fond of unmentionable weaving………..

Listen…………………..(looking around, kinda paranoid)

I swear I hear them laughing…………

Up a creek…………………..


without a paddle.

176 job applications with resumes filed……………….

42 letters/emails of “rejected” (the other 134 didn’t bother to notify me)………………

and 1 (lonely) interview.

That’s about 29 rejects a month. One reject, everyday of the week, for the last 6 1/2 months.

“We regret to inform you, you have exhausted all of your unemployment benefits. You may file a new claim December 14, 2014.”

WTF?????

Yes, I dialed; 1-800-ORU-NUTS.

Ring, ring, ring…………

“Yes, I received a notice on my account my benefits have been exhausted. Please tell me there’s been some kind of mistake.”

“Hold just a moment please, let me check.”

tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock………………….

“Oh no mam, that’s correct; no more funds are available in your account. You can file a new claim December 14, 2014. If any funds are available at that time they’ll be paid out.”

crickets…………………………………………………

“Hello; mam, are you still there?”

Desperately trying to maintain my belligerent anger; as calmly as I could; through clenched teeth, I said, “You’ve got to be kidding me, I need to appeal, that can’t be right. If been working since I was 17 years old. The last 20 years with the same company. I’ve done everything required of me. I have logs, I have letters, and I have emails. All showing I have desperately been trying to get someone just to talk to me! And your gonna tell me I can only get help FOR 6 MONTHS!!!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO???? I NEED AN EXTENSION!!!!!”

“There are no more extensions. Your funds are paid out until they are exhausted and then that’s all. Sorry mam, there’s nothing you can do.”

“UNBELIEVABLE!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO PAY MY CAR NOTE??? HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO PAY MY UTILITIES????? HELL, HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO EAT???”

Ok…………this is were I came unglued.

The Texas Workforce Commission representative told me to go sign up for FOOD STAMPS and go to my utility company and get a list of organizations that help pay light bills.

“Excuse me??”

“You can probably get some food stamps.”

crickets……………………..

At no time did she say, “Your local Workforce office can counsel you on opening your own business and help you with applying for a small business loan,” or never did she say, “They can talk with you and help you with a new career plan or additional education.”

Noooooo!!!!

She told me, “Sister, you’re shit outa luck! Go file for some food stamps.”

I don’t want anyone to get me wrong, I’m not dissing the food stamps program. It has helped many and saved many children from going hungry. But it’s also bought and paid for a few underserving individuals Cadillac’s and Suburban’s.

You all know it’s true. I’m just the one saying it. So be it!!

I just can’t believe how jacked-up the system is for honest people.

Before screaming in her ear…….again; I politely hung up on her.

Tonight I broke the eleventh commandment……………………(if you read my blog you know what it is)

For dinner I had Triple Chocolate Cheesecake……………and nothing else.

I ate every damn bite.

I’ll start over tomorrow.

Can you buy chocolate with food stamps???

The 12th Commandment


You ever have one of those days when the urge for that one thing drives you crazy?

You know the one.

The one where; you see it in the silverware drawer………………………..

in your scrambled eggs………………………

smell it in your coffee……………………

and taste it in your shredded wheat.

So consuming, your upper lip breaks out in a cold sweat.

The one you try to divert your attention from, so you……………………….

think about scrubbing the tub…………………………….

and cleaning the bedroom……………………………………

and then you get outa the house, ’cause you don’t want to do the first two.

I don’t usually have days like this. Once my mind is made up I stick to it. My will power doesn’t falter.

But occasionally those days do occur.

I love chocolate, but I’ve never been one to over indulge. I was satisfied with a little here and a little there. It was always in my house and I never abused it.

Since beginning my new meal plan and swearing myself off chocolate……..

It’s all I want!!!

In the past, people would ask me how I maintained my weight and my reply was always, “exercise, portion control and don’t deny yourself the things you like.”

Soooooooo?????????? I ask myself.

Why?????????

I remind myself it won’t be forever, just until I get back on track.

I leave the bags of Cookies and Cream Hersey Drops right out in the open in my fridge; right beside the Light Blue Bonnet and Light Daisy Sour Cream. Just like I leave the bag of Dark Hersey’s Kisses, that I love, right on my pantry shelf.

I leave them there to remind me that I can overcome the bad eating habits I’ve acquired since not working and to remind me that it’s not forever.

In the meantime, I take a walk and recite the 12th commandment, “Thou shalt not give up.”

What’s the 11th commandment you ask?

Well that’s easy, “Thou shalt not eat chocolate………………….

today.” 😉

Forbidden Fruit


Since my unfortunate predicament of unemployment, change has become an unwelcomed house guest.

Like dominoes; change continues to fall, one after the other…………….

Change in routine, change in finances, change in eating habits, change in exercise, change in relationships, change, change, change.

I’m not very good with change.

I no longer get up to a shrill alarm clock at 5:30 a.m. to prepare my meals for the day, and aside from the 2 1/2 to 3 miles I walk most days, I’ve become sedentary. I do have more time to write and work on my photography, so I spend a lot of time at my computer.

Half the day is spent looking for a job.

It’s just me and my cat, so I don’t have much housework to do. So when you’re sedentary, things you would rather stay somewhat north, start going south and you start adding a little extra baggage in those south bound areas.

When I was working I had a pretty regimented eating routine. I ate 6 small meals a day comprised of protein, fruits, veggies and carbs. I maintained a good weight and had it down to a science. So well, I could indulge myself in my biggest weakness…………………………..

Chocolate ~ white, milk, dark, any and all.

Change caused my routine to fly out the window and I began grabbing and stuffing into my mouth whatever was convenient……………..

Chips, crackers, pretzels, trailmix, cereal, frozen dinners……………………

No veggies, little fruit and almost nada protein.

It was outa control.

And though I knew I shouldn’t, I’d eat chocolate. Then I’d feel awful after I devoured it.

Some love affairs you just can’t end.

So a week ago I committed to a new meal plan. It wasn’t anything new or something I didn’t already know, just a different approach to clean eating. Something fresh for me…………………..a change.

Although the meal plan allowed chocolate as a treat, I told myself, “no chocolate.”

Ok, cutting off my chocolate is like cutting off a lover.

The desire drives me crazy!!!

So I thought it was extremely funny my writing exercise for the day was to write a poem of seduction using couplets (were two sentences together rhyme).

I immediately began to write about chocolate!!

I was seducing a chocolate bar; my forbidden fruit!!

I have really lost my mind and need to get a life!!

My seduction of chocolate……………..I’m not really good at seducing anything else 🙂

“Chocolate Pleasure”

I miss your sweetness on my lips
you creaminess surrounds my hips.
Deep and dark, you satisfy
melting pleasure unjustified.
Surround my senses with your embrace
you take me to a secret place.
Well skilled lover could not compare
your satisfaction takes me there.
Oh, the pleasures you make me feel
smooth as silk such joys revealed.
Take you in a little at a time
savoring slowly I make you mine.
Close my eyes in a lustful escape
my tongue enfolds the sinners taste.
Sneak inside your loveliness
devour you with no regrets.
Smooth my skirt, I look around
my pleasured weakness can’t be found.
Such ecstasy’s are still forbidden
when you know there’s excess to be ridden.

Locked and Loaded


“for those days when I’m just on the edge……”

——————————————————————————————————

If I open one more piece of mail delivered by the US postal service; from one of my creditors; announcing the excitement of their “new” statement format, that their customers will surely find to improve navigation and reading of our monthly bill………………………………….

AND…………………….BTW…………………………………

to pay for this new format we’re increasing you monthly charge by $10 bucks……………………………..

I’m going to be like a rabid dog and come off the chain!!!!

It was just a few months ago I changed my cable TV package to the lowest rate to help manage my budget since becoming unemployed. 

I have skeleton channels; no movie channels, no sports channels, no news channels, no food channels…………………….

well, you get the picture.

Local channels, CBS, NBC, ABC and FOX.  It works as long as I can get “The Big Bang Theory”, all the “NCIS”, “American Idol” and an occasional Texans football game.  Any extra channels are…………………………………..

well…….extra.

So……………………you increase my monthly bill; did you increase my channels?

Well, of course not.

If I refuse the new statement format, will my monthly rate go back to what it was??

Well, of course not.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

I know to some of you $10 bucks is not a big deal; you give your 5 year olds more than this for their allowance.

But I received two statements last month announcing “new” formats; my car insurance and my home owners insurance.  Both of which I worked diligently just a few months ago to get the rates lowered, only to have them increased…………………………..

each by $10 bucks.

Whatever happened to increases of $1 and $2 bucks?

It doesn’t sting quite as bad.

Not only have my monthly debts increased by $30 bucks, but my last two unemployment direct deposits were decreased by $10 bucks each.

Did anyone bother to send me an announcement about that??

Uh………..NO!!!

I’m not very good with math, but I can add and subtract and when you add $30 bucks to your monthly expenses and you subtract $20 bucks from your income, I think that’s a $50 bucks deficit and when one is unemployed and trying to make ends meet…………………..

$50 bucks is a lot.

unlocked and unloaded” 

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