“Therapy”


“Therapy”

My cup runneth over
it spills onto the page;
pools of tears
run the ink,
that’s just been freshly laid.
Words beneath the surface
clinging to the dark;
hiding there,
like a child
a net inside my heart.
The pen gently coaxing,
with each jagged stroke;
hurt confessed,
hidden fears
opened box of hope.
Time of tortured struggle,
gently lay to rest;
between lines,
dampened page
a raging rivers crest.

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“Bowl full of Therapy”


I have just discovered a new therapy.  It doesn’t cost me a dime and since I am newly unemployed and no longer have insurance (YIKES!!!); free is all I can afford.

A friend from work gave me a large bag of pecans.  At Thanksgiving I made pecan pies.

I shelled a few for my pies.

I tried a new recipe.

I didn’t like it.

I will go back to my old faithful one and not waste my pecans……..

As I shelled, I thought to myself how time consuming and tedious it was.  The shells cut my thumbs and made them sore; and I spent lotsa time making sure I removed all the little “bitters”.

I was glad when I finally had enough for my pies.

This week has been a very emotional week for me…………hell the whole year has been an emotional roller coaster.  I would compare it to a roller coaster I rode at The Kemah Boardwalk called “The Bullet”.

First of all, at (then) 48, my thought was; “What the hell was I thinking?” and my second thought was,  “I’m to freakin’ old for this!”

A wooden roller coaster with twists and dips and drops that beat a poor body to death; then comes to an abrupt stop that gives you horrendous whip lash.  At the end of the ride, you want to just sit in the cart for a moment just to try to gather your thoughts that had just been rattled around inside your head!!

I hurt for days afterwards and vowed never to do it again!!!

There’s still a few weeks left in the year, but this week my cart came to an abrupt stop.

Yesterday, lucky Friday the 13th, was considered my last official day of employment with the company I’d worked a total of 20 years for.  Based on financial struggles; it was in the best interest of the business, to close the department I worked in and move it to a regional level.

It was a sad, frightening day; having to leave “family” behind and wonder about my future.

As I drank coffee at my kitchen counter I stared at a bowl of unshelled pecans.  I thought to myself, “I’ve got nothing else to do, I’ll shell a few pecans.”

I picked up those silver plier, nut crackers things and began……………

I squeezed, I busted, I snapped, I peeled, I picked and I chunked in a bowl………..

one after the other.

2 hours later, I found myself sitting on a bar stool at my kitchen counter having shelled more than a “few” pecans.

My cart had come to an abrupt stop and I needed some time to gather my rattled thoughts.  I found I could spend hours shelling pecans as therapy for my sadness, frustration, worry and even anger.

With each squeeze of those silver nut crackers, I released a little of something.

With each crack, pop and crumble; something else would let go.

At the end of my “session”, I felt I had been successful.  I felt a little better and I had a bowl of shelled pecans.

The best things about my new therapy……………….

no appointments necessary, walk-ins are always welcome and it doesn’t cost a dime.

I get a delicious pecan pie outa the “session” as well, if I choose to 🙂

I may feel a little beaten and bruised by life’s roller coaster ride, but…………..

here’s to abrupt stops

and a bowl full of unshelled pecans.

This to shall pass…………………….

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