“Zen” (Tanka)


Meditation time
where all of the world’s tuned out
silence overtakes
it’s but for just a moment
beauty in it’s presentness

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Dark Clouds


Every dark cloud has a rainbow...........so they say

Every dark cloud has a rainbow………..so they say

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“Oh, Me of Little Faith”


I decided against posting the poem for my self-made “Daily Prompt”. The prompt was “Something I’ve Learned” and the poem ended up being very negative.

Oh, I tried posting it, but my Internet kept freezing up causing me head popping frustration. So I decided I’d leave it and go take my afternoon walk and try posting it again later.

It had been a chilly, gloomy morning, but around 3pm this afternoon the sun came out and it was beautiful. I laced up my tenny’s and headed out the door. I had been down in the mouth and down on myself all day. The job searching not going very well. I had spent hours yet again on another job database building a new profile and resume (which is still not quite complete).

I have yet to see the fruits of my labor and it puts me in a foul mood.

I needed the walk.

I finished walking and I’m sitting in my car clearing out emails when I look up and see a man who goes to the church I used to go to. He waves, then walks over.

“Hey, what’s going on with you?”

“Oh, not much, just did a little walking.”

“Yeah. You off today?”

“Well, you could say that. I got laid-off.” I kinda laughed.

“Wow, sorry to hear that.”

Uh-oh…………………………

Well I don’t need to tell you it set the wheels in motion for a whining pity party about how many applications and resumes I had filled out and how frustrating it was. How I do the same thing every day and hear nothing. And on, and on, and on.

He quietly listen to me rant and rave until I finally said, “It’s just so frustrating, I can’t even get one call.”

“Have you prayed about it?”

“Well…………..yeah I pray about it.” Thinking that was a silly question.

“Have you told the Lord what you need and want……………………..specifically?”

“Well…………………”

“You haven’t have you?”

“Well………………..”

“If you don’t ask specifically, you may end up with something you don’t want. We have to be careful what we ask for.”

“Right………………”

“Jeri, I know you’re a believer. Don’t you believe the Lord can provide you with the job you need AND want?”

“Uh, well………….”

“He raised Lazarus from the dead and he’d been dead 4 days!! Surely you believe He can provide you a job.”

“Well………………”

“You’re full of doubt and fear aren’t you?”

“Well…………….”

This was becoming a one-sided conversation and the side wasn’t mine.

“I see the worry. You’ve lost your faith. I believe. I know He has a job for you. He’s just waiting for you to ask. Be specific. Believe!”

“Uh, yeah………..”

“Jeri, He raised the dead!! He will provide you a job.”

“Yeah………………”

“Do you think this was a chance meeting?”

“Well………………..”

“I don’t. The Lord put me here to lift you up. As soon as I saw you I knew. Don’t let this steal your joy. Ask for what you need and want.”

“I will…………………”

“And believe it! I’ll be praying for you.”

Waving he headed down the walking track.

WHEW!! What just happened??

I’d just been chastised and preached to all at the same time and I was smiling.

Goodness gracious!! (we say that a lot in Texas)

I drove away my attitude and spirits lifted.

I knew I wouldn’t be posting my negative poem, but would rather share my positive, uplifting conversation.

Tonight I’ll take the time to complete the profile and resume I didn’t want to finish this morning. And just before I hit “submit” I will specifically ask for the job I’m looking for and thank Him for it in advance. ūüôā

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This little note has been taped to my bathroom mirror for almost 2 years.

Winds of Change


It’s a cold, dreary, rainy¬†day in Oz.¬† A good day for a fire.

I stick my head out the door to gage the temperature (what do I wear today??); it was still and quiet, didn’t feel to cold to me.¬†

I thought, “Ah, this is not so bad.”

Then a big gust of wind came and the temperature changed.¬† I hustled back inside saying, “Brrrrrr, where did that come from?”

I walk around and open the blinds; I stop for a minute at one of the windows and I see the leaves dancing in the air, choreographed by the blowing wind.

Slowly, I watch the leaves settle back to the ground.  As I turn to walk away, from out of no where, without notice, in a split second; the leaves were lifted from the ground and began a new dance.

A shift in the wind had caused the leaves to move in a new direction.

They start dancing haphazardly; you know, swept up, scattering; then spiraling up in a funnel like form, then gradually just slowly floating along down the street.

I stand at the window and watch until the shifting winds died down and the leaves settled in a new place.

As always when I’m alone, I begin to think how I’ve felt like those leaves……in the past few years.¬† For 17 or 18 years my leaves have floated along rather quietly.¬† Oh, there was a swirl here or a swirl over there, but for the most part there’s not been much change in the wind.

Then from out of no where there was a change, my leaves began to scatter, swirling all around, not knowing which way they would go, leaving me confused and a little frightened.

Without notice the wind would stop and my leaves would settle back down…………but not for long. In a split second, the winds would change and me leaves would be going in a different direction.

The winds have shifted and my leaves are scattering.

In a split second the winds changed and it’s blowing my leaves in a different direction…….yet again.

It’s very frightening, but the bible says the Lord takes care of the little birds; so He will surely take care of me as well.

His breath is the wind.

Strong or soft, he can shift it in a split second.  Scatter our leaves and swirl us around.  And though we may feel like Dorothy being dropped in Oz (which I do most of the time), He is in complete control of the winds.

In a split second…….

Without notice……….

He can shift……..

He can settle…….

He takes care of the little birds, so……………………

“I will not doubt, I will not fear.¬† I will keep my faith and He will not fail me.”

Mini Me’s


Each morning I wake up; stagger to my bathroom, wash my face and put my contacts in my eyes.

Without them I don’t see very well.

I take a look at my reflection in the mirror and wonder which of the “mini~me’s” I will see today.

Like Polly Pocket miniatures line up on a shelf there are many “mini’s” that make up me.

Will I be the “Lioness” today and roar and claw at everyone I see?¬† That mini’s dressed in red and ready to pounce off the shelf at any time.¬† I work to keep her tame and under control.

Perhaps the “Diva” that stands in her stilettos, hands on her hips, dressed to the “T” with her hair and make-up perfect.¬† Her name is “Vanity” and she’s constantly whispering in my ear about age, wrinkles, side effects of menopause and my damn weight.

She too, I have to keep in check……….she makes me kinda crazy.¬† She likes to appear often.

Stead fast standing is “Super Mom” in her jeans and tee.¬† She’s flexing her arms and showing her “guns”.¬† She’s capable of raising kids, keeping house, working, teaching at the gym and loving her family.

Here lately she stands on the shelf quietly, not needed as often as before her empty nest.  Occasionally she appears for a day or event; but her presence is always there.

There in the shadows is my “Wallflower”, she emerges in large crowds of people I don’t know, in small crowds of people I don’t know, she sits across the table from one person I don’t know.¬†

I always thought she would fade away as I got older……….but I have realized she is with me forever; her anxiety, sweaty palms and insecurities.

My favorite mini is “Gypsy”, the wild, free spirited mini that stands on my shelf barefoot, dancing and twirling while she sings her favorite songs, her hair is loose and wild, she loves the beach and doesn’t have a care in the world.¬† This mini makes me smile and I wish I could be her all the time.

I laugh at the “Rachael Raye” wanna be, as she stands poised with frying pan and apron.¬† Knowing¬†she can barely boil water………..but¬†she gives it hell when¬†she gets a wild hair to jump out of hiding and whip up a Thanksgiving dinner.

I feel sorry for the individuals that fall victims to her attempts.

Then there’s my “Don’t give a Damn” mini, she sits around in ratty clothes, no make-up, dirty hair and could care less about anyone or anything.

I have to keep an eye on her, she can sneak up on me when I least expect it.

I watch my “Denise Austin” mini march in place and pump her arms with enthusiasm.¬† There are days I want to take her down and make her tap out.¬† I just don’t want to be that mini sometimes.

Thankfully she’s persistent and we make it to the gym or the walking track together everyday or so.

There is one mini that stands out from the rest.  She has a quiet spirit with a crooked halo and broken wings.  Her presence tries to instill love, happiness, forgiveness and grace.  She nudges me to do the things that are right and fair.  She tells me to be honest, to love hard and turn the other cheek. 

Though she may be a little tattered her mini is stronger than the rest.¬† She stands in the center and desperately tries to guide the other rebellious “mini’s”.¬† Her broken wings outstretched, she engulfs the other “mini’s” and pulls them in.¬†

I look at all my “mini’s”¬† on that imaginary shelf wrapped up by a mini tattered angel; thankful she scoops them up everyday and drops them down the front of my shirt.¬† Together all the “mini~me’s” make one single me and leading that single me is a mini, tattered angel with a crooked halo and broken wings.

It’s not easy, but she does the best she can.

“Weirdness”


“We are all weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone who’s weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness together and call it love.” Dr. Seuss

Faith not Fear


Today’s “declaration” reading, from the Joel Osteen book; opened with this sentence.

“Fear and faith have something in common.¬† They both ask us to believe something will happen that we cannot see.”

Wow!!  I never really thought about it like that.

But that is exactly what I read to myself every day.¬† You see, in my bathroom I have taped to my mirror this saying, “Let your faith be bigger than your fear.”

I need this daily reminder because I tend to let fear and worry take me over.

Fear is a consuming emotion.

Especially the fear of the unknown.¬† Events that haven’t occurred and may not ever occur.¬† I worry before it ever happens.¬† Letting it (fear) consume part of my day; my life.

I never interpreted that saying quite the way I should have.

I never told my brain, “Hey, you have more faith than fear today.”

I never said to myself, “Self, today I don’t fear my job status, today I have faith it is being taken care of.”

or………..

“Self, today I won’t fear the outcome of my relationship, today I have faith it is being worked out.”

or……….

“Self, today I don’t fear my aches and pains, today I have faith they will subside.”

I find that it’s easier to fear than to have faith.¬† I’ve never understood this.

How many times have you laid awake……….in faith?

How many times have you sat with sweaty palms……..in faith?

How many times have you driven for miles, for hours in complete silence……….in faith?

Me……………never.

That’s when fear consumes me.

I have to knowingly will myself to pray and ask to have faith to release the fear.

I have to do this several times a day.

It doesn’t hurt to have special friends that also¬†remind us¬†to have faith.

Faith is a positive emotion, uplifting and sunny.  Fear is negative, dark and gloomy.

I love the beach.¬† The warmth of the sun, the wind and the vast open seas; it’s easy for me to release my worries there.

But sometimes the fear is so strong inside myself, I’m dark and gloomy.¬† These are the times I have to tell myself out loud, “Let go of that crap and keep your faith!”

Today I will let the sun shine.¬† I’ll push out the negative fear with my positive faith!

How true it is that we have to “walk by faith (believe) and not by sight.”

Today “I declare” that my “faith is bigger than my fear” and I will have more faith than fear today.

 

“I will not worry, I will not doubt.¬† I will keep my faith and he will not fail me.”

“Perfectly Impe…


“Perfectly Imperfect”

“Stop looking for perfect relationships. You’re looking for imperfect people who balance you out ~ the perfectly imperfect people for you.” ~ Marc and Angel Hack Life

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“Re-routing”


“This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it………”

Are you rejoicing?

Are you thankful?

Did you say, “Thank you Lord for this day”, as soon as your feet hit the floor?

Or….like me; did you whine when you heard the familiar sound…..bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, and search desperately for the bedside object that was making the obnoxious noise that so rudely disturbed your sleep?

Did you lie there quietly and stare at the ceiling and worry what the day would bring?

(Re-routing, re-routing………….)

Or, did you (re-route), jump from bed (thankful you were capable of jumping at all), excited for another day; to go to your job, to drink coffee with your co-workers and be productive?

(Re-routing to be………….)

Thankful for the breath to utter prayers of thankfulness; for our eyesight (even if we require readers), for a bad hair cut (thank you Lord I have hair!), for a few extra pounds (my health is great) and for all the pieces in my puzzle (as jacked-up as some of them may be).

(Re-routing, re-routing……………)

Thankful our eyes fluttered open, to rejoice in a new day; no matter what it brings.

Routed to a day, I will rejoice and be glad in…………

On every route He brings the rainbows and my glass is half-full ūüôā

Re-route your day and be glad in it.

“I will not worry, I will not doubt.¬† I will keep my trust, He will not fail me.”

Getting to the Good


In a recent conversation, I made a comment; in reference to myself, “You have to let go of the bad to get to the good.”

There are times in our life when we know we are not “in the good”.¬† Be it a relationship, a job or a frame of mind.¬† We hold on to situations because of routine or familiarity; maybe even comfort.

But there are times we hold onto situations, blindly thinking they will change. 

It may be familiar, but it’s not truly comfortable; not “good”.¬† You wake every day and say, “todays going to be different, today it’s going to be good”.¬† At the end of the day you feel as if you’ve been dragging an anchor around.

It leaves you exhausted. 

It’s hard work fighting against an anchor.

It pulls you down, steals your confidence and joy,¬†and because it’s familiar to you; it steals your fight.

So you accept things as they are.¬† Telling yourself, “this is as good as it gets”.

But there is a higher power than me in my life and He says, “Oh, no, no, no!¬† I’m closing that door, I’ve got something better for you sister!”

That anchor pulling me down¬†was me resisting closing¬†a door.¬† A resistance that’s made me doubt myself miserably.

Nothing happens by accident.  But we do have the ability to make choices.  We can put our foot on that door and resist it closing or we can step back and give way; silently letting it shut.

Letting go of the bad and getting to the good.¬† If we don’t let go of the bad, the good will never come.

I don’t like rocking my boat ~ it is what it is!!

I prefer it to stay on the same course; good or bad, whatever the case may be; because it’s familiar to me.¬† It’s comfortable.¬† Sometimes change is uncomfortable, unfamiliar.

Circumstances in my life have caused my boat to capsize (I can’t swim!).

My boat is being emptied out; the anchors released and the winds are dying down.  No longer am I flailing around helplessly, fighting against the very One trying to save me. 

The door closed and new ones are opening.

My boat has a few cracks, because of it’s journey; but none that can’t be repaired.¬† In my “glass half-full” opinion; I think I’m worthy of floating around with.

It sometimes takes our boat being capsized to force us to make choices.  We can flail around helplessly in misery, being dragged by the anchor or we can let go, stop resisting and trust we will float back to the top; where the waters nice and calm.

My boat is empty, waiting to be filled, floating through a new door.

Letting go of the bad, to get to the good. ūüôā

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