I love jalapeño salt. I put that stuff on everything. Cottage Cheese and tomatoes, avocados, baked potatoes and even popcorn. I eat it on everything.
It makes me sneeze……….every time.
I’m eating it on my salad tonight; with cottage cheese and tomatoes.
I sneeze……….4 times!
Is it Covid???
I feel my anxiety begin to rise. It’s been doing that a lot these last couple of years.
I’m trying; all over again, to learn to cope with my anxiety. The heart palpitations, chest pain and hyperventilating that comes when I’m not expecting it. But when do things happen when you expect them to?
Heartbreaking break-ups, Covid, heartbreaking deaths, Covid, fear, aloneness, Covid…. And let’s us not forget the Texas Freeze, where myself and countless others spent days without electricity, heat and water……..it all just sucks.
I practically live under a rock! If I got Covid no one would even know!
My latest anxiety…….the vaccine. I don’t usually get the flu vaccine. I just choose not to. But this; this is different. My mind was made up not to get this vaccine either. Just ride it out; wait it out. I’d worked through the whole pandemic practicing social distancing (which wasn’t hard for me) and wearing my mask. I’d made it this far.
Then the dynamics changed. Everyone’s back in the office; most have burned their mask and have no respect for personal space. Then……we have a fire in our building and 3 floors are scrambling to find space for their employees to work while renovations are going on. My staff and I managed to secure a conference room. Enough space for us to function for a short time. We share the space with 4 other people, for a total of 10 people. Yes, we are close; but it was ok…………until 3 people back to back got Covid in a four week period.
Oh shit! My situation just got serious.
Everyone around me was infected. Every time I turned around I was getting a message or a call about family, friends and co-workers being positive.
I’ve worked hard to be safe. It’s a lonely life trying to be safe when you have no one.
I cancelled my trip to Florida; afraid to fly and afraid of exposing my pregnant daughter-in-law to the virus. Then my daughter calls, “Well, we’ve been exposed and are in quarantine. Don’t come.”
I’m so deflated. My plans taken out from under me. My one little bit of happiness in this madness.
I don’t sleep well at night worrying about the, “should I’s or shouldn’t I’s”
I ask Kevin, “Are you doing this to me? ‘Cause it’s not very nice!”
If he were here; we’d talk about the vaccine and probably talk each other one way or the other…….but he’s not.
Anxiety so bad……I get the vaccine. Convince myself, “I want to be part of the solution and not part of the problem.” I still wear my mask.
So anxious about the first shot; I hyperventilate thinking I now have to take the second shot.
And now there’s a damn booster after that!!
I live in fear and I miss my kids. Missing my granddaughters birthday for the first time in 8 years.
Damn virus!
I sneeze again. Blow my nose.
“God bless me!”
I love jalapeño salt…….
I push the ugly head of anxiety down…..
RealLifeAfter40 